shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
