I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
