he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
