I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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