Pants 0. Shit 1.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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