Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
