guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
