and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
