I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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