Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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