This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
