I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
