Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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