i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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