I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
