You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
