I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do vagina's smell?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
