it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
