Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
