you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize