i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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