Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the day after is always just damage control
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
