Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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