I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Small penises have feelings too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Alive.
So much puke
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
