This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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