Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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