I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
