We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
