Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
