Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wear drunk well.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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