She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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