Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
