Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
