i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
