Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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