that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
