I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
