When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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