I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
