I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think i have herpe
just one?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
