If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
