Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
