Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
