The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
