just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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