Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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