I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
