WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
