SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
