Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
