i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
