Will you blow on my dice?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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