Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
