ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
