did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
