mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
