Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So many bounce houses so little time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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