He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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