update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
