he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
