I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
