Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize