Quick, to the slutcave!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
try to milk me bitch
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