I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
