hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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